Uncertainty will ignite creativity, dont let your fears focus on depravity

Fear as google explains is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

As a kid I was always afraid of being left alone , afraid of darkness . My childhood memories are filled of 100s of stories of  N number of things I was afraid of. Even my friends would make fun of my fears , some of them would even say : Is there anything you are not afraid of?

Like how during the summers when there would 8-10 hours of power cut , how I was  frightened I would be to sleep in darkness. For many years I would sleep keeping the lights on in my bedroom because I was afraid that I would suffocate. Today I can’t sleep with lights on, because I know there is always light in our heart and minds .

This one vivid memory that I have is I would be dreaded to sit in art classes because the first thing they would teach in the class would be to draw a tree. The ones where you make a cloud looking thing on two parallel lines. Every time my teacher would see the tree I drew, she would say “You know, you really need to learn how to draw a tree,”. That made me feel that I would never be able to draw anything again. I would come crying out the class and would tell my mother I won’t go for the next class, but she would tell me next class would be better than this one.  Years later, I won a state level art competition .

I had associated a thread of fear with everything in my life, like this one time when I was a part of a group picnic in school and we went to a river bank in a nearby village. Everything was fun and everyone was enjoying and suddenly I lost 4 of my class mates to drowning. I saw them being pulled out of the water and in matter of minutes my friends who were playing alongside me were no more. Since then I have been afraid of water, every time I see a lake , sea or river I just freeze. It is almost 15 years since this happened but even today when I am writing about the incident I have tears in my eyes. For months, I could not sit in the classroom and looking at the empty desks , I knew I would not meet my best friends anymore. Since then, I have limited my friends circle because I fear I might lose my loved ones again. However I have made some of the most closest friends for whom I can go to any length to protect them. Fear of losing has given me strength to protect my relationships.

We are afraid to be wrong. We are afraid to make a mistake. We’re afraid of not being perfect. We’re afraid of looking stupid and being laughed at or being rejected. There are a million scary things out there and inside us that make us say to ourselves, “pursue creativity? I don’t think so.”

So many things get erased from us, and I mean really erased early on, not only because of what other people say, but what we feel about what they say.
We are pigeonholed so early in our lives that many of our talents have gone untapped and leave us yearning, wondering what we are missing. As we grow up, we internalize those judgments people made about us and we become very good at crushing our own creative aspirations. We become our own most vicious critics. How do we create when a part of us is choking that impulse?

I have missed out on so many life changing experiences because I just did not want to venture into that fearful feeling of not knowing how to come out if uncertainty strikes. Like feeling the cool water when you stand on the water soaked sand on a sea beach. Darkness does not always mean an unseen ghost emerging from the underneath of your bed but it might also mean the brightness of stars on the horizon of dark sky.

When uncertainty strikes believe it or not, your mind works in unimaginable ways, but we mostly ignore the creative things the mind tells us to do. We primarily focus on the fear. Creativity thrives on uncertainty. If we always knew the outcome of our creative endeavours we would probably be too bored to complete them. Uncertainty, curiosity, stumbling one foot after the other, we create our own unique yellow brick road of imagination. We can live gracefully with uncertainty when we stay connected to the part of ourselves that gets joy from the act of creation, rather than always looking to what its product is going to be.

  

Here is what I learnt : Don’t try to create and analyse at the same time. They’re different processes. 

To stay with your creative journey, you should celebrate your quirks, your idiosyncrasies, your failures , your fears , your unique and weird ways of perceiving and expressing. They are your staunchest defenders against the destructive aspects of self-judgment. They are the qualities that make your individual creativity unlike any other.

Fear has the power to stop us daily.. But, instead of acknowledging our fears, which feels defeating, we tend to ignore them. We stick to the way things are because so far, it’s served us well—we haven’t been hurt or disappointed in the ways we’re afraid to be. But ask yourself, ‘Do I feel whole? Have I experienced the entire spectrum of human emotion? Has my work reflected everything I’ve experienced? Can I say that I’ve tried my hardest?’

When I feel myself cowering under the weight of what scares me, I consider this: So much of my creativity has yet to unfold. There are innumerable things that haven’t happened yet—in fact, so many things haven’t been given the chance to happen because I am afraid.

There is no beauty in perfection. There is beauty in challenge, adversity, failure. There is beauty in rejection and in carrying large pain, knowing you have the ability to stand with it within you. The beauty is in the rising—in creating strength and determination from the places where fear lives.

Don’t try to be fearless because being truly fearless either means a full blown psychopath or a reckless 3 year old ( as my sweet heart niece-Katie). And I don’t think we aspire to be either of those things.

Instead think fear and creativity have a symbiotic relationship. Don’t try to kill your fear , because when you kill your fear you kill your creativity as well. Because creativity sparkles in uncertainty, the same ground where fear germinates. Construct a mental space and consciously tell your fear and creativity that there is place for both of you in the uncertain journey . Tell your fears that you don’t get to select the how the journey will be and remind your creativity that there is nothing to panic because you do have a seat belt around you.

Take control of your fears and cushion your creativity, you have the choice to turn your fears into your most beautiful creative outcomes of your life. don’t let your fears take control of your life….

Integrity takes Courage--- Are you courageous enough to do what you say you would?

This time I will share a personal story on trust and integrity. During my engineering time, every year we would celebrate a college fest. In my 3^rd year of college, our department decided to create a replica of a refinery. Few of us were selected to work on the modelling part and how to design the equipment , what materials to use, what colours to use. My role was to perform a financial report on what would be the spent. All the core team members went through the plans, suggestions, requirements and I prepared a spent report and got a budget approved. We all were aligned to our discussions and had completely agreed to how we would be moving forward. The work started slowly and the team member who was responsible for the raw materials and equipment design thought of including two additional distillation columns. We had collectively decided to inform everyone of any changes in the plan, however this person felt that the decision of including additional distillation columns was for him to take. Additional raw materials were ordered and it did affect the budget . Finally we had to cut down on few other plans like prizes for planned activities during the fest to support this. Eventually the fest was a success, however this experience changed everyone’s perception about this person. Everyone started making their own assumptions why that happened, may be because it would add complexity to the design and the designer would get extra points for his creativity. We never spoke about what the actual reason was because none of us felt like approaching the person again. He had broken our trust. We forgot about all the good things we did together because of this one incident. That is the damage loss of trust does to your relationships.

Stop for a moment and think if someone has stopped approaching you , retrospect your actions to try and mend the broken threads of trust.

Trust underpins effective relationships. The more someone trusts a friend , colleague, manager or team member, the greater the likelihood they will co-operate, share information and work effectively together.

The secret sauce the drives trust are 3 key elements-

·       effective communication

·       integrity

·       decision making

Let me share my experience on why I believe these are the 3 key elements :

You would have faced situations when you had a conversation with someone and opened up honestly believing that the other person is also honest with you. You both discuss things and come to a conclusion . What happens when one of you does not share the right information during the conversation and you or the other person learns about it from a third person. There is a breach of trust, it impacts the future decision making .

However imagine if the situation turned up this way : You both spoke and discussed points which might not be good to hear but were bitter truths. You both come out of the conversation fully knowing the truth. A truth which might not be great to hear but gives you time to absorb it. When these truths result in actions in future, you already know that this was supposed to happen. This boosts your trust because the conversation helped both of you to prepare for the future even though it might not be the most favourable situation.

How many of us opt for the second scenario? Both of these are in our hands to control.  Majority of us chose the first option because it makes you feel good, it is easy to do . The second option although is the right thing to do, but requires courage.

Integrity requires courage. Courage is different from Bravery. Courage is the ability to confront something painful or difficult or dangerous despite any fear. It’s not a quality, but a choice; a person feels the fear or pain or danger, but chooses to persevere anyway. Unlike bravery, courage is driven by a cause; the courageous person believes that cause is worth standing up and fighting for, despite all the clear reasons not to.

Being courageous brings changes in your behaviour, it constantly draws numerous maps in your mind reminding you to do what you said you will do. It brings in integrity in your behaviour.

Behavioural integrity isn't grounded in what you believe is morally right or wrong -- after all, you may believe one thing, and say or do another. It's judged against the backdrop of your words, not unspoken values, standards, or principles. Behavioural integrity isn't doing what's right , but actually do what you say you'll do.

Why should you spend time in thinking about “ Integrity “ when you might have 10 different things to do ?

Because living a life of integrity means that we never have to spend time or energy questioning ourselves. When we listen to our hearts and do the right thing, life becomes simple. Our life, and our actions, are open for everyone to see, and we don't have to worry about hiding anything.

Dealing with Bullying—The Power is in your hands

I was looking at my old pictures from school and so many memories flashed in front of my eyes. Memories of beautiful time spent with my friends and dark thoughts of how I was bullied throughout my school and some part of engineering…

Throughout my school I got made fun of for being fat . People would always go out of their way to tell me how fat I was and how unattractive that made me, especially in comparison to other girls. My nickname in third through tenth grade was ‘sumo/moti’ and in the assembly line I would be called as “aye Moti” . Even today, objectively knowing I am a pretty small person, I always feel fat. I’m working to unlearn harmful beauty standards, but years of bullying means I get triggered in the most unexpected ways, like when a fat girl is made fun of in a movie. I got used to the bullying as time passed but during my initial days , I went ‘into’ myself and did not talk to anyone about it. I always felt insecure about myself , started overlooking my strengths and focussed on everything that was broken. The only things that ran through my mind during my school and college was how ugly I looked , I tried to get acceptance from people on my looks , now that I think about it I laugh at myself.

Some of my very close friends pulled me out of the phase, I believe we were too young to realise the importance then. Cant thank them enough for being my support system.

Why am I writing about it now? Well bullying really never stops…until we put a full stop on it..

 

Fast forward 20 years, and the woman you see now is almost unrecognisable to this petrified child, but scratch the surface and she’s still there. Being women engineer can be challenging when you come across bullying. It’s a topic that is rarely spoken about.

People wait for you to fall because seeing others’ success makes people act in very strange and unpredictable  ways. Often fuelled by jealousy and envy, it brings out their own insecurities and worries and unfortunately but unsurprisingly; this leads to a lot of bullying.

Bullying of any kind is never OK but at some point you can make a decision. They’re either right and you will never amount to anything, or you can be brave – use every bit of your strength and decide to prove them wrong. I choose the latter. I chose to share my story today even though it left me feeling vulnerable but I no longer fear what people would think.

I understood something which Papa always says me - the reason that people judge is overwhelmingly usually because they wish they were doing what you are. It’s almost always down to misplaced envy. And so there’s no reason to fear it. Instead ask yourself – is my fear of being criticised or bullied stronger and more important than my desire to be successful? 

There was a time when I gave up and called him to say I am coming back home and he patiently asked me “ Are you sure you have given your 100%” . That made me think , there is so much left in me. 

Remember, you will only be targeted and criticised by those who are less successful than you, never those who have achieved more than you. Because people who are more successful than you aren’t insecure about their success…

If you talk about compassion, have compassion. Even when you don’t feel like it and every part of you wants to defend or act smug. Be kinder. Not because it helps you to let go of things but because it’s the right thing to do. Believe me it feels so much better to be kind to someone when the easiest thing was to be a jerk.

If your messaging is about integrity, show true integrity. Not the type that you want your followers to see so that you can feel good about yourself and tick a box. But acting the right way even when nobody will ever know and you aren’t proving anything to anyone. 

Values may well be part of who you are but truly living them may still take effort. But that effort is worth it. When you really start living your values, then it will show in everything you do. From the content you create to how you show up, and that’s when you’ll attract the people you’ve always wanted into your life. 

You have a choice in who you want to be. If you’ve ever been bullied as a child or an adult, I stand with you and I know you can rise up because I did. I was slow and hurt , but eventually I found a way. Don’t hide, hiding is like telling yourself the biggest lie. That is the worst thing you can do yourself.

You’re strong and you are needed in this world. Don’t forget your individuality and you do have the power to overcome the two faced bullies in your life. You will always have a support system, dont loose them. I am so lucky to have my support system, people who have become my family.

Forgiveness and Letting Go - Be Kind to Yourself

They say holding hate in your heart towards someone else is like holding a hot stone in your hand to throw at them – you hurt yourself more in the process.  Like anyone else, I have endured my share of painful relationships, whether it was a family member , friend or co-worker.  I have even had to forgive myself in certain situations.  Forgive myself for ignoring certain situations where I should have made a point but did not do , may be because I felt at that time it was the right thing to do.

I don’t believe in Forgiving and Forgetting; I don’t believe anyone can and if they say they can, they are not being truthful. After all, if you forget certain pain or transgressions committed by others, have you really learned from them? I believe you can heal from the pain, but healing doesn’t come from forgetting; it comes from remembering, re-assessing the situation and working through it.

What happens when you are wronged? After you are wronged and the initial wave of emotion has passed, you're presented with a new challenge: Do you forgive the person? By forgiving, you let go of your grievances and judgments and allow yourself to heal. While this may sound good in theory, in practice forgiveness can sometimes feel impossible. It is very important to acknowledge that forgiving is completely under your control and that is why it can be difficult but not impossible.

By forgiving, I accept the reality of what happened and find a way to live in a state of resolution with it. This mostly is a gradual process—and it doesn't necessarily includes the person I have forgiven . Forgiveness isn't something I do for the person who wronged me; it's something I do for myself.

If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts. Then, try following these four steps to forgive even when it feels impossible:

·      Think about the incident that angered you. Accept that it happened. Accept how you felt about it and how it made you react. In order to forgive, you need to acknowledge the reality of what occurred and how you were affected.

·      Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened. What did you learn? Did you go beyond your boundaries? Think about - Not only did I survive the incident, perhaps I grew from it.

·      Now think about the other person. He or she is flawed because all human beings are flawed. He or she acted from limited beliefs and a skewed frame of reference because sometimes we all act from our limited beliefs and skewed frames of reference( we all do the same mistake) . When you were hurt, the other person was trying to have a need met. What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?

·      Finally, decide whether or not you want to tell the other person that you have forgiven him or her. If you decide not to express forgiveness directly, then do it on your own. Say the words, "I forgive you," aloud and then add as much explanation as you feel is merited.

Forgiveness puts the final seal on what happened that hurt you. You will still remember what happened, but you will no longer be bound by it. Having worked through the feelings and learned what you need to do to strengthen your boundaries or get your needs met, you are better able to take care of yourself in the future.

I always felt and believed that whatever you do to others, we do receive it in some form or the other. I remember a story that I heard during one of my Sunday mass sermons- Wrong doings are like lifting your face up and spitting in the air, the droplets eventually fall on your own face.

There comes a time when we can no longer blame others for our pain, especially when we are conscious of why we’re feeling the pain. Stop for a moment and think are you spitting with your face up?

Success is Easy - What is Your definition of Succes

According to the Google Search Engine, the definition of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose, or a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity. The definition and the true meaning of Success differs a lot. The meaning of success depends from person to person as no two persons are same. To me, what success is not, is being materialistic.  I don’t think that success can be attributed to financial prosperity, fame, or fortune.  However, the standard definition of success may beg to differ.

I evaluate success in myriad ways. While at work, success to me means completing a given task on time and feeling happy about it, thinking I could not have done it better! This is not enough though - the results should be great and the people involved should have a memorable experience. Success at work can be doing something extraordinary for our customers, help them experience something really incredible. 

When I am not working, I enjoy facetiming my niece, listening to her stories and solving her puzzles so at that time I derive success from the simple pleasures of life. Success is having my parents look at me and be proud of who they see. It is being someone my friends know they can rely on and the person who does what she says she is going to do. Success is as simple as having a peaceful sleep at night knowing that today I have not done wrong to someone. It’s knowing I did the best I could that day, with what I was given.

According to a Life Hack article titled “The Real Meaning of Success” - To be successful means to first define success for yourself and then to start living your life based on your OWN expectations and  on your OWN terms. The term OWN is important, it has to be yours ( something you personally believe in, not what others expect you to).

After this write down your goals, share your goals, and figure out how you achieve it.  Even if it means deconstructing each goal into smaller goals and even smaller goals. You will figure out a way when you OWN your goals. Finally, go and do it. 

The Life Hack “The Real Meaning of Success” has a wonderful quote:

“Because continuously living everyday with expectations that are not of your own is a day that is not truly yours” . See what is truly yours , check with yourself every day , are you doing something which you truly believe into ?

Most importantly success is never letting other people define what it should mean or look like to me. It’s deciding for myself and pursuing it with a persisting determination. Today, success to me is about having a purpose, the one that I define myself. I used to think success was about stuff (bank balance, car, house, gadgets) , until I got that stuff and was still inherently unhappy. That’s not success, that’s materialism and ego.  Not that these are unimportant things, they do bring in temporary happiness , but don’t have a lasting effect.

Think about the current situation, you might have bank balance , money in your account but you would have definitely experienced not being able to get all the things that you need daily during this lockdown. The magnitude of that feeling might differ from person to person but all of us have experienced that. If something that this lockdown has taught me, is to be Kinder and Compassionate about people around me , and that has helped me to sleep well at night.

I remember a saying from the Holy book Bhagavat Geeta  – “Tum Kya leke aye ho , Tume kya leke jaoge?” ( What have you brought into this world , What will you take back with You).  In second chapter ,Lord Krishna explains, that You are not this body You are the soul. You just take some form of body in every birth according to your OWN KARMA. You live INSIDE the body, and YOU ARE NOT BODY. Your actions (Karma) will define your success, it will define your foot prints , it will define how others will remember you . Ask yourself how will you want others to remember you , asking this simple question to yourself can help a lot in changing your actions. So next time  when your actions ( intentionally or unintentionally) hurt someone in your pursuit to be successful, stop for a moment and think “ Am I not over defining what Success means to me” .

Let us all be the leader we wish we had - Leaders Eat Last,Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don't

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek is one of the best books on leadership I’ve ever read, I am reading it for the 3rd time now.

Not only does Sinek provide an aspirational message contradicting most modern leadership advice, but he backs his argument with neuroscience and he delivers his message in an authentic way. This is not an ordinary Leadership book, it shatters some of the misconceptions we have with respect to leadership. It takes stories from real life personalities , talks about trust, circle of safety . These are things we ignore as we grow but these are this aspects which differentiates  true leaders from impersonating leaders.

“Some believe we should always put other first -- that if we don’t look out for the group, the group won’t look out for us. Others believe we should always put ourselves first and that if we don’t take care of ourselves first, then we would be of no use to anyone else. The fact is, both are true." - Simon Sinek

The majority of this book revolves around four chemicals, how they make us tick and their impact on leadership roles.

These four happiness chemicals are:

Endorphin: the pain-masking chemical (we most often get a rush of endorphins from running or weightlifting called a “Runner’s High” that helps us push our bodies through tough workouts. This feeling is actually addictive and that’s why you see so many people who are addicted to working out.

Dopamine: The goal achieving chemical(Dopamine is what produces that irresistible urge to check every notification on your phone.

Each time we clear the notification, respond to the text, or read an email it gives us a boost in dopamine. Since dopamine makes us feel great, we instinctively do things that give us a quick dopamine fix without considering the value of those things.)

Serotonin: The leadership chemical (When people see you and respect you as their leader, it boosts your serotonin by making you feel great and it boosts their serotonin because they trust you.

Sinek calls serotonin “the leadership chemical.” Our bodies release serotonin when we receive public recognition. Serotonin creates our positive feelings of pride and status. Think about the feeling you had when you received an award or walked across a stage for a graduation ceremony. Serotonin caused that positive feeling. But your body will also release serotonin if you watch someone else receive recognition. Serotonin explains why we love to thank people who have helped us or we will work to make other people proud.

Oxytocin: The chemical of love (Leaders that get out amongst the people to shake hands, give high-fives, and give people one-on-one time to address their concerns do.

Their presence among the team increases oxytocin. When you're a leader, assuming that you aren’t a tyrant that is, both you and your employees will feel happier.)

According to Sinek, oxytocin leads to the best feeling of all: the feeling that makes you feel safer when you are with people that you love. Oxytocin causes that feeling of safety that you get when you believe that someone has your back. There are many ways to generate this feeling. For example, oxytocin is why hugging feels good or why a mother and child develop a bond. 

Let us also discuss about Cortisol here: Cortisol is the fight or flight chemical in our body. Its release results in feelings of stress and anxiety, which serves to alert our bodies to signs of danger.

Sinek divides these four chemicals into two separate categories -- selfish and selfless.

• Selfish chemicals -- Endorphin and Dopamine help us get things done and achieve more.

• Selfless chemicals -- Serotonin and Oxytocin strengthen our social bonds create meaningful connection/collaboration.

Think of a situation when you felt “ Safe” somewhere or in the presence of someone.  Key to becoming comfortable (and feeling safe) is to start acting in a way that releases oxytocin. What made you feel safe, did the environment relaxed your mind or someone did something for you? Think of a time when someone left their very important work to spend time with you ?

Start doing small acts of generosity. Then keep giving and keep sacrificing. And then one day you might build up enough oxytocin in your body to feel safe.

Leaders can make the choice to start sacrificing, start giving, and start the cycle of generosity and oxytocin. As human beings, we appreciate people that give time and energy – the things that we cannot get back. It feels nice to do and get things without giving or expecting something in return.

Sinek reminds us that anybody can be a leader. The position gives you authority but that doesn’t make you a leader, your actions do. Leadership is about small sacrifices and choosing to care. It’s about the little human elements that we too easily forget.

As Sinek concludes, “leadership is a choice and every single one of us can make the choice to be the leader we wish we had.” 

Be the person, you wish you had in your life to guide you, help you, understand you and who would spend time and energy on you.

Success and Failure is not Permanent , but You are.

“Management is about persuading people to do things they do not want to do, while leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could.”- Steve Jobs

We have so many trainings, courses, whole curriculum designed to teach us management but when we look around, we do not find something which teaches us to be leaders. Does Leadership come with a title? Something to think about;

Being a good leader is never easy, it might look seamless and easy to many of us. While a leader's actions may be scrutinised when things are going bad, it is their leadership qualities that shine through the worst of times. It is these same qualities that employees look up to, respect, and work very hard for.

I have met some great leaders in last short 10 years of professional life, this week I will take some time to express my gratitude to those individuals who have influenced me immensely. I still am touch with these individuals because my relationship with them has grown beyond my work and they have touched my thoughts personally.

The first leadership quality that had a lasting impact on me and I try to practice it every day:

Integrity  . 

In one of my favourite books by Simon Sinek, Integrity is defines as a key component to build Trust. “Leadership is about integrity, honesty and accountability. All components of trust.”

“Integrity” is a word you hear almost every day, but it’s not a word that people spend a lot of time thinking about. If you try to define it, what would you say? Something which I saw and felt real-time from my closest mentor – Randy Majerle are some of the great examples of integrity . Randy as I fondly call him is friend, mentor and an honest critique. I have known Randy for over 8 years now and something which has remain consistent over these many years is how well he expresses his thoughts and intentions clearly. While working with him professionally I had noticed that he would keep honesty in his conversations, he would not sugar coat when things were not right. I always felt that it is important to get the raw flavour of information so that you can take the right action and not be in a hallucination that things are alright. He would up front present his intentions and his follow-up actions would back up his intentions. Even now when I talk to him, he coaches me not to become complacent and whenever he sees signs of it, he immediately tells me to correct my course of action. Without integrity, there is no real success. Believe me real success is far more fulfilling than decorated success .

You can’t and should not expect your followers to be honest when you lack integrity yourself. The root of integrity is about doing the right thing even when it’s not acknowledged by others, or convenient for you.

There are countless examples of integrity in everyday life—and yet we seldom see them. Let me put  some of the examples that I have experienced:

·       As a kid , I had been pretty adamant about things that I wanted to play with. I have given hard times to my parents with my never ending tantrums. At times they have scolded me and shouted at me, but I remember the times when my parents would come to me in the evening explaining why I could not get the things at that time. They would apologize for not being able to get the things I wanted and shouting at me.

·       While driving a two wheeler or a four wheeler on road, have you ever noticed a fellow commuter who patiently waits for others to move without honking aggressively? How you drive says a lot about you—how you treat people you don’t know; how you handle anger;  and the extent to which you suffer from entitlement. Sometimes we think that the fellow commuter has no urgency to reach his/ her destination. Perhaps we would like to believe that someone who drives slowly or non-aggressively is simply less busy , but driving in a cooperative manner that is mindful of your fellow commuters is actually a sign of integrity. 

I believe most of you would have had the same experience as kids. Now think, how many times in recent times, have you tried apologising to someone when you have been hard on them? How easy it is for you to apologize? How easily you accept a mistake on your part. When was the last time you gave credit to someone who really deserved it.  If the answer to that question is very difficult to retrospect, stop for a moment and then think how you can change.

Stay tuned for my next article, I will talk about the Happy Chemicals which drive our actions and the way we react to things.