Dealing with Bullying—The Power is in your hands

I was looking at my old pictures from school and so many memories flashed in front of my eyes. Memories of beautiful time spent with my friends and dark thoughts of how I was bullied throughout my school and some part of engineering…

Throughout my school I got made fun of for being fat . People would always go out of their way to tell me how fat I was and how unattractive that made me, especially in comparison to other girls. My nickname in third through tenth grade was ‘sumo/moti’ and in the assembly line I would be called as “aye Moti” . Even today, objectively knowing I am a pretty small person, I always feel fat. I’m working to unlearn harmful beauty standards, but years of bullying means I get triggered in the most unexpected ways, like when a fat girl is made fun of in a movie. I got used to the bullying as time passed but during my initial days , I went ‘into’ myself and did not talk to anyone about it. I always felt insecure about myself , started overlooking my strengths and focussed on everything that was broken. The only things that ran through my mind during my school and college was how ugly I looked , I tried to get acceptance from people on my looks , now that I think about it I laugh at myself.

Some of my very close friends pulled me out of the phase, I believe we were too young to realise the importance then. Cant thank them enough for being my support system.

Why am I writing about it now? Well bullying really never stops…until we put a full stop on it..

 

Fast forward 20 years, and the woman you see now is almost unrecognisable to this petrified child, but scratch the surface and she’s still there. Being women engineer can be challenging when you come across bullying. It’s a topic that is rarely spoken about.

People wait for you to fall because seeing others’ success makes people act in very strange and unpredictable  ways. Often fuelled by jealousy and envy, it brings out their own insecurities and worries and unfortunately but unsurprisingly; this leads to a lot of bullying.

Bullying of any kind is never OK but at some point you can make a decision. They’re either right and you will never amount to anything, or you can be brave – use every bit of your strength and decide to prove them wrong. I choose the latter. I chose to share my story today even though it left me feeling vulnerable but I no longer fear what people would think.

I understood something which Papa always says me - the reason that people judge is overwhelmingly usually because they wish they were doing what you are. It’s almost always down to misplaced envy. And so there’s no reason to fear it. Instead ask yourself – is my fear of being criticised or bullied stronger and more important than my desire to be successful? 

There was a time when I gave up and called him to say I am coming back home and he patiently asked me “ Are you sure you have given your 100%” . That made me think , there is so much left in me. 

Remember, you will only be targeted and criticised by those who are less successful than you, never those who have achieved more than you. Because people who are more successful than you aren’t insecure about their success…

If you talk about compassion, have compassion. Even when you don’t feel like it and every part of you wants to defend or act smug. Be kinder. Not because it helps you to let go of things but because it’s the right thing to do. Believe me it feels so much better to be kind to someone when the easiest thing was to be a jerk.

If your messaging is about integrity, show true integrity. Not the type that you want your followers to see so that you can feel good about yourself and tick a box. But acting the right way even when nobody will ever know and you aren’t proving anything to anyone. 

Values may well be part of who you are but truly living them may still take effort. But that effort is worth it. When you really start living your values, then it will show in everything you do. From the content you create to how you show up, and that’s when you’ll attract the people you’ve always wanted into your life. 

You have a choice in who you want to be. If you’ve ever been bullied as a child or an adult, I stand with you and I know you can rise up because I did. I was slow and hurt , but eventually I found a way. Don’t hide, hiding is like telling yourself the biggest lie. That is the worst thing you can do yourself.

You’re strong and you are needed in this world. Don’t forget your individuality and you do have the power to overcome the two faced bullies in your life. You will always have a support system, dont loose them. I am so lucky to have my support system, people who have become my family.