Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek is one of the best books on leadership I’ve ever read, I am reading it for the 3rd time now.
Not only does Sinek provide an aspirational message contradicting most modern leadership advice, but he backs his argument with neuroscience and he delivers his message in an authentic way. This is not an ordinary Leadership book, it shatters some of the misconceptions we have with respect to leadership. It takes stories from real life personalities , talks about trust, circle of safety . These are things we ignore as we grow but these are this aspects which differentiates true leaders from impersonating leaders.
“Some believe we should always put other first -- that if we don’t look out for the group, the group won’t look out for us. Others believe we should always put ourselves first and that if we don’t take care of ourselves first, then we would be of no use to anyone else. The fact is, both are true." - Simon Sinek
The majority of this book revolves around four chemicals, how they make us tick and their impact on leadership roles.
These four happiness chemicals are:
Endorphin: the pain-masking chemical (we most often get a rush of endorphins from running or weightlifting called a “Runner’s High” that helps us push our bodies through tough workouts. This feeling is actually addictive and that’s why you see so many people who are addicted to working out.
Dopamine: The goal achieving chemical(Dopamine is what produces that irresistible urge to check every notification on your phone.
Each time we clear the notification, respond to the text, or read an email it gives us a boost in dopamine. Since dopamine makes us feel great, we instinctively do things that give us a quick dopamine fix without considering the value of those things.)
Serotonin: The leadership chemical (When people see you and respect you as their leader, it boosts your serotonin by making you feel great and it boosts their serotonin because they trust you.
Sinek calls serotonin “the leadership chemical.” Our bodies release serotonin when we receive public recognition. Serotonin creates our positive feelings of pride and status. Think about the feeling you had when you received an award or walked across a stage for a graduation ceremony. Serotonin caused that positive feeling. But your body will also release serotonin if you watch someone else receive recognition. Serotonin explains why we love to thank people who have helped us or we will work to make other people proud.
Oxytocin: The chemical of love (Leaders that get out amongst the people to shake hands, give high-fives, and give people one-on-one time to address their concerns do.
Their presence among the team increases oxytocin. When you're a leader, assuming that you aren’t a tyrant that is, both you and your employees will feel happier.)
According to Sinek, oxytocin leads to the best feeling of all: the feeling that makes you feel safer when you are with people that you love. Oxytocin causes that feeling of safety that you get when you believe that someone has your back. There are many ways to generate this feeling. For example, oxytocin is why hugging feels good or why a mother and child develop a bond.
Let us also discuss about Cortisol here: Cortisol is the fight or flight chemical in our body. Its release results in feelings of stress and anxiety, which serves to alert our bodies to signs of danger.
Sinek divides these four chemicals into two separate categories -- selfish and selfless.
- Selfish chemicals -- Endorphin and Dopamine help us get things done and achieve more.
- Selfless chemicals -- Serotonin and Oxytocin strengthen our social bonds create meaningful connection/collaboration.
Think of a situation when you felt “ Safe” somewhere or in the presence of someone. Key to becoming comfortable (and feeling safe) is to start acting in a way that releases oxytocin. What made you feel safe, did the environment relaxed your mind or someone did something for you? Think of a time when someone left their very important work to spend time with you ?
Start doing small acts of generosity. Then keep giving and keep sacrificing. And then one day you might build up enough oxytocin in your body to feel safe.
Leaders can make the choice to start sacrificing, start giving, and start the cycle of generosity and oxytocin. As human beings, we appreciate people that give time and energy – the things that we cannot get back. It feels nice to do and get things without giving or expecting something in return.
Sinek reminds us that anybody can be a leader. The position gives you authority but that doesn’t make you a leader, your actions do. Leadership is about small sacrifices and choosing to care. It’s about the little human elements that we too easily forget.
As Sinek concludes, “leadership is a choice and every single one of us can make the choice to be the leader we wish we had.”
Be the person, you wish you had in your life to guide you, help you, understand you and who would spend time and energy on you.
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