tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34602962663989581262024-03-05T16:40:33.686-08:00Leadership Stories - My learningsGargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-67000669447326272342020-07-03T22:50:00.000-07:002020-07-03T23:11:03.118-07:00Uncertainty will ignite creativity, dont let your fears focus on depravity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;">Fear as google explains is </span><span style="background: white;">an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;">As a kid I was always afraid of being left alone , afraid of darkness . My childhood memories are filled of 100s of stories of N number of things I was afraid of. Even my friends would make fun of my fears , some of them would even say : Is there anything you are not afraid of?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;">Like how during the summers when there would 8-10 hours of power cut , how I was frightened I would be to sleep in darkness. For many years I would sleep keeping the lights on in my bedroom because I was afraid that I would suffocate. Today I can’t sleep with lights on, because I know there is always light in our heart and minds .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;">This one vivid memory that I have is I would be dreaded to sit in art classes because the first thing they would teach in the class would be to draw a tree. The ones where you make a cloud looking thing on two parallel lines. Every time my teacher would see the tree I drew, she would say </span><span style="background: white;">“You know, you really need to learn how to draw a tree,”. That made me feel that I would never be able to draw anything again. I would come crying out the class and would tell my mother I won’t go for the next class, but she would tell me next class would be better than this one. Years later, I won a state level art competition .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;">I had associated a thread of fear with everything in my life, like this one time when I was a part of a group picnic in school and we went to a river bank in a nearby village. Everything was fun and everyone was enjoying and suddenly I lost 4 of my class mates to drowning. I saw them being pulled out of the water and in matter of minutes my friends who were playing alongside me were no more. Since then I have been afraid of water, every time I see a lake , sea or river I just freeze. It is almost 15 years since this happened but even today when I am writing about the incident I have tears in my eyes. For months, I could not sit in the classroom and looking at the empty desks , I knew I would not meet my best friends anymore. Since then, I have limited my friends circle because I fear I might lose my loved ones again. However I have made some of the most closest friends for whom I can go to any length to protect them. Fear of losing has given me strength to protect my relationships.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">We are afraid to be wrong. We are afraid to make a mistake. We’re afraid of not being perfect. We’re afraid of looking stupid and being laughed at or being rejected. There are a million scary things out there and inside us that make us say to ourselves, “pursue creativity? I don’t think so.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">So many things get erased from us, and I mean really erased early on, not only because of what other people say, but what we feel about what they say.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">We are pigeonholed so early in our lives that many of our talents have gone untapped and leave us yearning, wondering what we are missing. As we grow up, we internalize those judgments people made about us and we become very good at crushing our own creative aspirations. We become our own most vicious critics. How do we create when a part of us is choking that impulse?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">I have missed out on so many life changing experiences because I just did not want to venture into that fearful feeling of not knowing how to come out if uncertainty strikes. Like feeling the cool water when you stand on the water soaked sand on a sea beach. Darkness does not always mean an unseen ghost emerging from the underneath of your bed but it might also mean the brightness of stars on the horizon of dark sky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">When uncertainty strikes believe it or not, your mind works in unimaginable ways, but we mostly ignore the creative things the mind tells us to do. We primarily focus on the fear. </span><b><span style="background: white;">Creativity thrives on uncertainty.</span></b><span style="background: white;"> </span><span style="background: white;">If we always knew the outcome of our creative endeavours we would probably be too bored to complete them. Uncertainty, curiosity, stumbling one foot after the other, we create our own unique yellow brick road of imagination. We can live gracefully with uncertainty when we stay connected to the part of ourselves that gets joy from the act of creation, rather than always looking to what its product is going to be.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Here is what I learnt : Don’t try to create and analyse at the same time. They’re different processes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">To stay with your creative journey, you should celebrate your quirks, your idiosyncrasies, your failures , your fears , your unique and weird ways of perceiving and expressing. They are your staunchest defenders against the destructive aspects of self-judgment. They are the qualities that make your individual creativity unlike any other.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Fear has the power to stop us daily.. But, instead of acknowledging our fears, which feels defeating, we tend to ignore them. We stick to the way things are because so far, it’s served us well—we haven’t been hurt or disappointed in the ways we’re afraid to be. But ask yourself, ‘Do I feel whole? Have I experienced the entire spectrum of human emotion? Has my work reflected everything I’ve experienced? Can I say that I’ve tried my hardest?’<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I feel myself cowering under the weight of what scares me, I consider this: So much of my creativity has yet to unfold. There are innumerable things that haven’t happened yet—in fact, so many things haven’t been given the chance to happen because I am afraid.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">There is no beauty in perfection. There is beauty in challenge, adversity, failure. There is beauty in rejection and in carrying large pain, knowing you have the ability to stand with it within you. The beauty is in the rising—in creating strength and determination from the places where fear lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Don’t try to be fearless because being truly fearless either means a full blown psychopath or a reckless 3 year old ( as my sweet heart niece-Katie). And I don’t think we aspire to be either of those things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Instead think fear and creativity have a symbiotic relationship. Don’t try to kill your fear , because when you kill your fear you kill your creativity as well. Because creativity sparkles in uncertainty, the same ground where fear germinates. Construct a mental space and consciously tell your fear and creativity that there is place for both of you in the uncertain journey . Tell your fears that you don’t get to select the how the journey will be and remind your creativity that there is nothing to panic because you do have a seat belt around you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Take control of your fears and cushion your creativity, you have the choice to turn your fears into your most beautiful creative outcomes of your life. don’t let your fears take control of your life….</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-77995560522259545182020-06-25T07:54:00.001-07:002020-06-25T07:54:40.710-07:00Integrity takes Courage--- Are you courageous enough to do what you say you would?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.25pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">This time I will share a personal story on trust and integrity. During my engineering time, every year we would celebrate a college fest. In my 3<sup>rd</sup> year of college, our department decided to create a replica of a refinery. Few of us were selected to work on the modelling part and how to design the equipment , what materials to use, what colours to use. My role was to perform a financial report on what would be the spent. All the core team members went through the plans, suggestions, requirements and I prepared a spent report and got a budget approved. We all were aligned to our discussions and had completely agreed to how we would be moving forward. The work started slowly and the team member who was responsible for the raw materials and equipment design thought of including two additional distillation columns. We had collectively decided to inform everyone of any changes in the plan, however this person felt that the decision of including additional distillation columns was for him to take. Additional raw materials were ordered and it did affect the budget . Finally we had to cut down on few other plans like prizes for planned activities during the fest to support this. Eventually the fest was a success, however this experience changed everyone’s perception about this person. Everyone started making their own assumptions why that happened, may be because it would add complexity to the design and the designer would get extra points for his creativity. We never spoke about what the actual reason was because none of us felt like approaching the person again. He had broken our trust. We forgot about all the good things we did together because of this one incident. That is the damage loss of trust does to your relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.25pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Stop for a moment and think if someone has stopped approaching you , retrospect your actions to try and mend the broken threads of trust.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.25pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Trust underpins effective relationships. The more someone trusts a friend , colleague, manager or team member, the greater the likelihood they will co-operate, share information and work effectively together.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">The secret sauce the drives trust are 3 key elements-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">effective communication<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">integrity<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 11pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">decision making<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Let me share my experience on why I believe these are the 3 key elements :<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">You would have faced situations when you had a conversation with someone and opened up honestly believing that the other person is also honest with you. You both discuss things and come to a conclusion . What happens when one of you does not share the right information during the conversation and you or the other person learns about it from a third person. There is a breach of trust, it impacts the future decision making .<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">However imagine if the situation turned up this way : You both spoke and discussed points which might not be good to hear but were bitter truths. You both come out of the conversation fully knowing the truth. A truth which might not be great to hear but gives you time to absorb it. When these truths result in actions in future, you already know that this was supposed to happen. This boosts your trust because the conversation helped both of you to prepare for the future even though it might not be the most favourable situation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">How many of us opt for the second scenario? Both of these are in our hands to control. Majority of us chose the first option because it makes you feel good, it is easy to do . The second option although is the right thing to do, but requires courage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Integrity requires courage. </span><b><span style="background: white; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; padding: 0cm;">Courage</span></b><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> is different from Bravery. Courage is the ability to confront something <b>painful or difficult or dangerous </b><i><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">despite</span></i> any fear. It’s not a quality, but a choice; a person feels the fear or pain or danger, but chooses to persevere anyway. Unlike bravery, courage is driven by a cause; the courageous person believes that cause is worth standing up and fighting for, despite all the clear reasons not to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Being courageous brings changes in your behaviour, it constantly draws numerous maps in your mind reminding you to do what you said you will do. It brings in integrity in your behaviour.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Behavioural integrity isn't grounded in what you believe is morally right or wrong -- after all, you may believe one thing, and say or do another. It's judged against the backdrop of your words, not unspoken values, standards, or principles. Behavioural integrity isn't doing what's right , but actually do what you say you'll do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Why should you spend time in thinking about “ Integrity “ when you might have 10 different things to do ?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Because<span style="background: rgb(251, 251, 251);"> living a life of integrity means that we never have to spend time or energy questioning ourselves. When we listen to our hearts and do the right thing, life becomes simple. Our life, and our actions, are open for everyone to see, and we don't have to worry about hiding anything.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-85023633934806414182020-06-21T06:40:00.000-07:002020-06-21T07:03:19.631-07:00Dealing with Bullying—The Power is in your hands<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background: white;">I was looking at my old pictures from school and so many memories flashed in front of my eyes. Memories of beautiful time spent with my friends and dark thoughts of how I was bullied throughout my school and some part of engineering…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Throughout my school I got <b>made fun of for being fat</b> . People would always go out of their way to tell me how fat I was and how unattractive that made me, especially in comparison to other girls. My nickname in third through tenth grade was ‘sumo/moti’ and in the assembly line I would be called as “<b>aye Moti</b>” . Even today, objectively knowing I am a pretty small person, I always feel fat. I’m working to<b> </b>unlearn harmful beauty standards, but years of bullying means I get triggered in the most unexpected ways, like when a fat girl is made fun of in a movie. I got used to the bullying as time passed but during my initial days , I went ‘into’ myself and did not talk to anyone about it. I always felt insecure about myself , started overlooking my strengths and focussed on everything that was broken. The only things that ran through my mind during my school and college was how ugly I looked , I tried to get acceptance from people on my looks , now that I think about it I laugh at myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Some of my very close friends pulled me out of the phase, I believe we were too young to realise the importance then. Cant thank them enough for being my support system.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Why am I writing about it now? Well bullying really never stops…until we put a full stop on it..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Fast forward 20 years, and the woman you see now is almost unrecognisable to this petrified child, but scratch the surface and she’s still there. Being women engineer can be challenging when you come across bullying. </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It’s a topic that is rarely spoken about.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">People wait for you to fall because seeing others’ success makes people act in very strange and unpredictable ways. Often fuelled by jealousy and envy, it brings out their own insecurities and worries and unfortunately but unsurprisingly; this leads to a lot of bullying.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Bullying of any kind is never OK but at some point you can make a decision. They’re either right and you will never amount to anything, or you can be brave – use every bit of your strength and decide to prove them wrong. I choose the latter. I chose to share my story today even though it left me feeling vulnerable but I no longer fear what people would think.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I understood something which Papa always says me -<span style="background: white;"> </span><span style="background: white;">the reason that people judge is overwhelmingly usually because they wish they were doing what you are. It’s almost always down to misplaced envy. And so there’s no reason to fear it. Instead ask yourself – is my fear of being criticised or bullied stronger and more important than my desire to be successful? </span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">There was a time when I gave up and called him to say I am coming back home and he patiently asked me “ Are you sure you have given your 100%” . That made me think , there is so much left in me. </span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Remember, you will only be targeted and criticised by those who are less successful than you, never those who have achieved more than you. Because people who are more successful than you aren’t insecure about their success…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">If you talk about compassion, have compassion. </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Even when you don’t feel like it and every part of you wants to defend or act smug. Be kinder. Not because it helps you to let go of things but because it’s the right thing to do. Believe me it feels so much better to be kind to someone when the easiest thing was to be a jerk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">If your messaging is about integrity, show true integrity. Not the type that you want your followers to see so that you can feel good about yourself and tick a box. But acting the right way even when nobody will ever know and you aren’t proving anything to anyone. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Values may well be part of who you are but truly living them may still take effort. But that effort is worth it. When you really start living your values, then it will show in everything you do. From the content you create to how you show up, and that’s when you’ll attract the people you’ve always wanted into your life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">You have a choice in who you want to be. If you’ve ever been bullied as a child or an adult, I stand with you and I know you can rise up because I did. I was slow and hurt , but eventually I found a way. Don’t hide, hiding is like telling yourself the biggest lie. That is the worst thing you can do yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">You’re strong and you are needed in this world. Don’t forget your individuality and you do have the power to overcome the two faced bullies in your life. You will always have a support system, dont loose them. I am so lucky to have my support system, people who have become my family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-13968901396772070032020-06-04T09:39:00.000-07:002020-06-04T09:39:01.386-07:00Forgiveness and Letting Go - Be Kind to Yourself<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">They say holding hate in your heart towards someone else is like holding a hot stone in your hand to throw at them – you hurt yourself more in the process. Like anyone else, I have endured my share of painful relationships, whether it was a family member , friend or co-worker. I have even had to forgive myself in certain situations. Forgive myself for ignoring certain situations where I should have made a point but did not do , may be because I felt at that time it was the right thing to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I don’t believe in Forgiving and Forgetting; I don’t believe anyone can and if they say they can, they are not being truthful. After all, if you forget certain pain or transgressions committed by others, have you really learned from them? I believe you can heal from the pain, but healing doesn’t come from forgetting; it comes from remembering, re-assessing the situation and working through it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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What happens when you are wronged? <span style="background: white;">After you are wronged and the initial wave of emotion has passed, you're presented with a new challenge: Do you forgive the person? By forgiving, you let go of your grievances and judgments and allow yourself to heal. While this may sound good in theory, in practice </span>forgiveness<span style="background: white;"> can sometimes feel impossible. It is very important to acknowledge that forgiving is completely under your control and that is why it can be difficult but not impossible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">By forgiving, I accept the reality of what happened and find a way to live in a state of resolution with it. This mostly is a gradual process—and it doesn't necessarily includes the person I have forgiven . <b>Forgiveness isn't something I do for the person who wronged me; it's something I do for <i>myself</i>.</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts. Then, try following these four steps to forgive even when it feels impossible:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b>Think about the incident that angered you.</b> Accept that it happened. Accept how you felt about it and how it made you react. In order to forgive, you need to acknowledge the reality of what occurred and how you were affected.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b>Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened</b>. What did you learn? Did you go beyond your boundaries? Think about - Not only did I survive the incident, perhaps I grew from it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b>Now think about the other person</b>. He or she is flawed because <i>all</i> human beings are flawed. He or she acted from limited beliefs and a skewed frame of reference because sometimes <i>we all</i> act from our limited beliefs and skewed frames of reference( we all do the same mistake) . When you were hurt, the other person was trying to have a need met. What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b>Finally, decide whether or not you want to <i>tell</i> the other person that you have forgiven him or her</b>. If you decide not to express forgiveness directly, then do it on your own. Say the words, "I forgive you," aloud and then add as much explanation as you feel is merited.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Forgiveness puts the final seal on what happened that hurt you. You will still remember what happened, but you will no longer be bound by it. Having worked through the feelings and learned what you need to do to strengthen your boundaries or get your needs met, you are better able to take care of yourself in the future.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I always felt and believed that whatever you do to others, we do receive it in some form or the other. I remember a story that I heard during one of my Sunday mass sermons- Wrong doings are like lifting your face up and spitting in the air, the droplets eventually fall on your own face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">There comes a time when we can no longer blame others for our pain, especially when we are conscious of why we’re feeling the pain. <b>Stop for a moment and think are you spitting with your face up?</b></span><b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-46466159523626637152020-05-31T08:34:00.000-07:002020-05-31T08:34:10.180-07:00Success is Easy - What is Your definition of Succes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background: white;">According to the </span>Google Search Engine<span style="background: white;">, the definition of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose, or a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity. The definition and the true meaning of Success differs a lot.</span> <span style="background: white;">The meaning of success depends from person to person as no two persons are same. To me, what success is not, is being materialistic. I don’t think that success can be attributed to financial prosperity, fame, or fortune. However, the standard definition of success may beg to differ.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">I evaluate success in myriad ways. While at work, success to me means completing a given task on time and feeling happy about it, thinking I could not have done it better! This is not enough though - the results should be great and the people involved should have a memorable experience. Success at work can be doing something extraordinary for our customers, help them experience something really incredible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">When I am not working, I enjoy facetiming my niece, listening to her stories and solving her puzzles so at that time I derive success from the simple pleasures of life. Success is having my parents look at me and be proud of who they see. It is being someone my friends know they can rely on and the person who does what she says she is going to do. Success is as simple as having a peaceful sleep at night knowing that today I have not done wrong to someone. <span style="letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">It’s knowing I did the best I could that day, with what I was given.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">According to a <a data-track="" href="http://www.lifehack.org/articles/work/the-true-meaning-of-success.html" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #954f72; outline: 0px;"><span style="color: black; text-decoration-line: none;">Life Hack</span></a> article titled “The Real Meaning of Success” - To be successful means to first define success for yourself and then to start living your life based on your OWN expectations and on your OWN terms. The term OWN is important, it has to be yours ( something you personally believe in, not what others expect you to).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">After this write down your goals, share your goals, and figure out how you achieve it. Even if it means deconstructing each goal into smaller goals and even smaller goals. You will figure out a way when you OWN your goals. Finally, go and do it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">The Life Hack “The Real Meaning of Success” has a wonderful quote:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">“Because continuously living everyday with expectations that are not of your own is a day that is not truly yours” . See what is truly yours , check with yourself every day , are you doing something which you truly believe into ?</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Most importantly success is never letting other people define what it should mean or look like to me. It’s deciding for myself and pursuing it with a persisting determination. Today, success to me is about having a purpose, the one that I define myself. I used to think success was about stuff (bank balance, car, house, gadgets) , until I got that stuff and was still inherently unhappy. That’s not success, that’s materialism and ego. Not that these are unimportant things, they do bring in temporary happiness , but don’t have a lasting effect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Think about the current situation, you might have bank balance , money in your account but you would have definitely experienced not being able to get all the things that you need daily during this lockdown. The magnitude of that feeling might differ from person to person but all of us have experienced that. If something that this lockdown has taught me, is to be Kinder and Compassionate about people around me , and that has helped me to sleep well at night.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I remember a saying from the Holy book Bhagavat Geeta – “Tum Kya leke aye ho , Tume kya leke jaoge?” ( What have you brought into this world , What will you take back with You). <span style="background: white;">In second chapter ,Lord Krishna explains, that You are not this body You are the soul. You just take some form of body in every birth according to your OWN KARMA. You live INSIDE the body, and YOU ARE NOT BODY. Your actions (Karma) will define your success, it will define your foot prints , it will define how others will remember you . Ask yourself how will you want others to remember you , asking this simple question to yourself can help a lot in changing your actions. So next time when your actions ( intentionally or unintentionally) hurt someone in your pursuit to be successful, stop for a moment and think “ Am I not over defining what Success means to me” .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-69668728345111239172020-05-24T08:32:00.000-07:002020-05-24T08:32:13.601-07:00Let us all be the leader we wish we had - Leaders Eat Last,Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don't <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<em style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">Leaders Eat Last</span></em><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> by Simon Sinek is one of the best books on leadership I’ve ever read, I am </span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.133333px;">reading</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> it for the 3rd time now.</span></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">Not only does Sinek provide an aspirational message contradicting most modern leadership advice, but he backs his argument with neuroscience and he delivers his message in an authentic way. This is not an ordinary Leadership book, it shatters some of the misconceptions we have with respect to leadership. It takes stories from real life personalities , talks about trust, circle of safety . These are things we ignore as we grow but these are this aspects which differentiates true leaders from impersonating leaders.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;">“Some believe we should always put other first -- that if we don’t look out for the group, the group won’t look out for us. Others believe we should always put ourselves first and that if we don’t take care of ourselves first, then we would be of no use to anyone else. The fact is, both are true."</span></span></i><span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;"> - <b>Simon Sinek</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: -0.133333px;">The majority of this book revolves around four chemicals, how they make us tick and their impact on leadership roles.</span></div>
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<b><span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">These four happiness chemicals are:</span></b><span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;">Endorphin:</span></span></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;"> </span>the pain-masking chemical (we most often get a rush of endorphins from running or weightlifting called a “Runner’s High” that helps us push our bodies through tough workouts. This feeling is actually addictive and that’s why you see so many people who are addicted to working out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;">Dopamine:</span></span></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;"> </span>The goal achieving chemical(Dopamine is what produces that irresistible urge to check every notification on your phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">Each time we clear the notification, respond to the text, or read an email it gives us a boost in dopamine. Since dopamine makes us feel great, we instinctively do things that give us a quick dopamine fix without considering the value of those things.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;">Serotonin:</span></span></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;"> </span>The leadership chemical (When people see you and respect you as their leader, it boosts your serotonin by making you feel great and it boosts their serotonin because they trust you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Sinek calls serotonin “the leadership chemical.” Our bodies release serotonin when we receive public recognition. Serotonin creates our positive feelings of pride and status. Think about the feeling you had when you received an award or walked across a stage for a graduation ceremony. Serotonin caused that positive feeling. But your body will also release serotonin if you watch someone else receive recognition. Serotonin explains why we love to thank people who have helped us or we will work to make other people proud.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="color: purple;">Oxytocin:</span></span></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"><span style="background-color: white;"> </span>The chemical of love (Leaders that get out amongst the people to shake hands, give high-fives, and give people one-on-one time to address their concerns do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">Their presence among the team increases oxytocin. When you're a leader, assuming that you aren’t a tyrant that is, both you and your employees will feel happier.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">According to Sinek, oxytocin leads to the best feeling of all: the feeling that makes you feel safer when you are with people that you love. Oxytocin causes that feeling of safety that you get when you believe that someone has your back. There are many ways to generate this feeling. For example, oxytocin is why hugging feels good or why a mother and child develop a bond. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Let us also discuss about Cortisol here: Cortisol is the fight or flight chemical in our body. Its release results in feelings of stress and anxiety, which serves to alert our bodies to signs of danger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">Sinek divides these four chemicals into two separate categories -- selfish and selfless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Think of a situation when you felt “ Safe” somewhere or in the presence of someone. Key to becoming comfortable (and feeling safe) is to start acting in a way that releases oxytocin. What made you feel safe, did the environment relaxed your mind or someone did something for you? Think of a time when someone left their very important work to spend time with you ?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Start doing small acts of generosity. Then keep giving and keep sacrificing. And then one day you might build up enough oxytocin in your body to feel safe.</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">Leaders can make the choice to start sacrificing, start giving, and start the cycle of generosity and oxytocin. </span><span style="background: white;">As human beings, we appreciate people that give time and energy – the things that we cannot get back. It feels nice to do and get things without giving or expecting something in return.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Sinek reminds us that anybody can be a leader. <b>The position gives you authority but that doesn’t make you a leader, your actions do</b>. Leadership is about small sacrifices and choosing to care. It’s about the little human elements that we too easily forget.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">As Sinek concludes, “leadership is a choice and every single one of us can make the choice to be the leader we wish we had.” </span></div>
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<span style="background: white;">Be the person, you wish you had in your life to guide you, help you, understand you and who would spend time and energy on you.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-51974950118434583562020-05-22T23:22:00.000-07:002020-05-22T23:22:35.796-07:00Success and Failure is not Permanent , but You are.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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“Management is about persuading people to do things they do not want to do, while leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could.”- Steve Jobs<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have so many trainings, courses, whole curriculum designed to teach us management but when we look around, we do not find something which teaches us to be leaders. Does Leadership come with a title? Something to think about;<o:p></o:p></div>
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Being a good leader is never easy, it might look seamless and easy to many of us.<span style="background: white;"> While a leader's actions may be scrutinised when things are going bad, it is their leadership qualities that shine through the worst of times. It is these same qualities that employees look up to, respect, and work very hard for.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">I have met some great leaders in last short 10 years of professional life, this week I will take some time to express my gratitude to those individuals who have influenced me immensely. I still am touch with these individuals because my relationship with them has grown beyond my work and they have touched my thoughts personally.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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The first leadership quality that had a lasting impact on me and I try to practice it every day:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i><u>Integrity </u></i></b> . <o:p></o:p></div>
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In one of my favourite books by Simon Sinek, Integrity is defines as a key component to build Trust. <i><span style="color: #0070c0;">“Leadership is about integrity, honesty and accountability. All components of trust.”</span></i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">“Integrity” is a word you hear almost every day, but it’s not a word that people spend a lot of time thinking about. If you try to define it, what would you say? </span>Something which I saw and felt real-time from my closest mentor – Randy Majerle are some of the great examples of integrity . Randy as I fondly call him is friend, mentor and an honest critique. I have known Randy for over 8 years now and something which has remain consistent over these many years is how well he expresses his thoughts and intentions clearly. While working with him professionally I had noticed that he would keep honesty in his conversations, he would not sugar coat when things were not right. I always felt that it is important to get the raw flavour of information so that you can take the right action and not be in a hallucination that things are alright. He would up front present his intentions and his follow-up actions would back up his intentions. Even now when I talk to him, he coaches me not to become complacent and whenever he sees signs of it, he immediately tells me to correct my course of action. <b>Without integrity, there is no real success.</b> Believe me real success is far more fulfilling than decorated success .<o:p></o:p></div>
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You can’t and should not expect your followers to be honest when you lack integrity yourself. <span style="background: white;">The root of integrity is about doing the right thing even when it’s not acknowledged by others, or convenient for you.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">There are countless examples of integrity in everyday life—and yet we seldom see them. Let me put some of the examples that I have experienced:</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="background: white;">As a kid , I had been pretty adamant about things that I wanted to play with. I have given hard times to my parents with my never ending tantrums. At times they have scolded me and shouted at me, but I remember the times when my parents would come to me in the evening explaining why I could not get the things at that time. They would apologize for not being able to get the things I wanted and shouting at me.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="background: white;">While driving a two wheeler or a four wheeler on road, have you ever noticed a fellow commuter who patiently waits for others to move without honking aggressively? How you drive says a lot about you—how you treat people you don’t know; how you handle </span>anger; <span style="background: white;"> and the extent to which you suffer from entitlement. Sometimes we think that the fellow commuter has no urgency to reach his/ her destination. Perhaps we would like to believe that someone who drives slowly or non-aggressively is simply less busy , but driving in a cooperative manner that is mindful of your fellow commuters is actually a sign of integrity. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: white;">I believe most of you would have had the same experience as kids. Now think, how many times in recent times, have you tried apologising to someone when you have been hard on them? How easy it is for you to apologize? How easily you accept a mistake on your part. When was the last time you gave credit to someone who really deserved it. <b>If the answer to that question is very difficult to retrospect, stop for a moment and then think how you can change.</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #0070c0;">Stay tuned for my next article, I will talk about the Happy Chemicals which drive our actions and the way we react to things.</span></i></b><span style="color: #0070c0;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-37030020361485162402020-05-22T06:22:00.002-07:002020-05-22T06:25:22.869-07:00Bouncing Back - Train your brain to first acknowledge adversity and then rewire it to maximize resilience .<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><i>From <b>"Why Me " </b>to <b>" What can I do about it "</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How many times in the last month have you said to yourself, “I can’t take this stress anymore,” or “Why do I keep overreacting to such little things” or even “Is this all there is to life?” Think about it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At the same time how many times did you tell yourself , “I would not have tried this otherwise” . How many times did you find yourself doing something which you would not have attempted previously. Well I can say every day I am doing something which I usually would not have done. For example , giving a haircut to my husband twice in last 2 months is something I would not even dream previously. Prior to this new norm , every month for a haircut, my husband would grumble and ask me, “ Why don’t you cut my hair in home and we can save Rs 450 ( ~ 7 USD)”. I have always mentioned him that I would be paying for his hair cut and he should not worry about it .<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I started planting seeds in my balcony garden, I attempted planting a ginger to see if it would grow, it did. My happiness knew no bounds when I saw the first shoot grow. In spite of so many things going around, these small occurrences bring in joy in my life every day. Not that I am not aware of what is going on around, but I prefer to see good in the face of adversity. We all should do that. We all have a <i>fortune cookie</i> in our life and it comes in different forms , it is just that we don’t pay attention to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Of all the virtues we can learn, no trait is more useful, more essential for survival, and more likely to improve the quality of life than the ability to transform adversity into an enjoyable challenge.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Greitens, 2015)</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the past 2 months, I started reading exhaustively, most of my late nights and weekends are spent reading. There are three books that I recently read which gives a whole new meaning to resilience . In this article, I will try to share my key takeaways from these three books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Resilience is something that is within each of us, but how we use it, and how well are key determinants in our overall well-being and quality of life. So stop feeling helpless about situations, circumstances around you. Stop asking yourself “Why me” .<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background: white;">The first book that I started reading somewhere in March was </span></b><b>“The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to finding your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles – Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Key Message : Resilience has transforming Power. It transforms hardship into challenge, failure into success, and helplessness into power. Resilience turns victims into survivors and allows survivors to thrive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Increasing resilience does not come easy and it requires work on your part, and it will require your commitment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The book will help you get a better understanding of who you are and why you behave in the way you do, than ever before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The authors have grouped the seven skills of resilience into two categories:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Know thyself skills( helps you build your self awareness) and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Change skills ( helps you change your perspective, action towards situations/incidents)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The foundation of the seven skills of resilience is built on the simple realisation that our emotions and behaviours are triggered not by events themselves but by how we interpret those events.</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Learning Your ABCs:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> When confronted with adversity, listen to your thoughts, identify what you say to yourself when faced with a challenge, and understand how your thoughts affect your feelings and behaviour.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Avoiding Thinking Traps:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Don’t make mistakes that undermine resilience.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Detecting Icebergs:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Identify your deep, maybe hidden beliefs and determine when they help and hurt you ( see and identify your unconscious biases).</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Challenging Beliefs:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Find new problem solving/thinking strategies so as to not pursue the wrong solutions ( age old method might not work, rediscover your ways).</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Putting It in Perspective:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Stop thinking about “what if” and perceiving every failure as a catastrophe ( everything that happens is not a what if situation, don’t over relate things )</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Calming and Focusing:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Stay calm and focused when overwhelmed by stress or emotion ( I usually practice this – I start counting from 100 to 1, or turn on the “Breath” application on my Apple watch).</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0cm;">Real-time Resilience:</span></b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Change your counterproductive thoughts into more resilient ones ( search for solutions keeping yourself fully aware of the problems).</span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>The second book that read was “Resilience: Why Things Bounce Back – Andrew Zolli and Anne Marie Healey”</b></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The book primarily focuses on why do some systems bounce back from a crisis while others fail? A wide range of examples from systems as diverse as coral reefs and international finance are taken to study and explain the power of resilience. They explain the nature of resilience and what factors contribute to it.</span></span></div>
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<li><span style="background-color: white; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Resilience enables a system to bounce back from a crisis.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Resilience is a complex quality found in systems as diverse as finance and ecology.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Systems can remain robust when expected stresses hit. However, they are vulnerable to new attacks.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Resilience exists in positive systems – like the body’s immune system – and negative ones – like terror networks. You can learn from both.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Diversity increases resilience and is often found in “clusters,” like cities.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Resilient systems work in networks and can cooperate or not as needed.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Supportive communities produce resilient individuals.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Resilient systems continually reinvent themselves in a flexible “adhocracy,” a social structure that allows constant change within a set of “fixed values and purposes.”</span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In every form of adversity one thing remains constant - <span style="background: white;">All of them acknowledge that resilience requires “continuity and recovery in the face of change,” particularly change imposed from an external source.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">Resilient systems heavily use “tight feedback mechanisms” to tell when a sudden change is imminent and prepare your mind to adapt/face the change. Acknowledge the change , the more you ignore, the more you will feel helpless. Keep yourself calm, practice meditation, adopt a hobby , spend some time in silence. All this will help.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">The third book that I just finished reading is “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy – Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant”<o:p></o:p></span></h3>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The idea of the book is to focus on Option B instead of lamenting over an exhausted Option A. Everyone has a lot of plans, but the reality is not all plans work out. You might feel lost, sad, depressed when things don’t go the way you want them to be , but what is important is have you tried identifying what your Option B is?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Option B is a book of resilience. Resilience that enables people who went through periods of dark times like sexual assaults, death of loved ones and the violence of war to rediscover joy. We may not always get our Option A, and this book will teach us how we can make the best of our Option B.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Option B<i> </i>combines Sheryl Sandberg’s personal insights with Adam Grants ground breaking research on finding strength in the face of adversity. It<i> </i>goes beyond Sheryl’s loss to explore how a broad range of people have overcome hardships. Their stories reveal the capacity of the human spirit to persevere and to rediscover joy. Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. Even after the most devastating events, it is possible to grow by finding deeper meaning and gaining greater appreciation in our lives. It illuminates how to help others in crisis, develop compassion for ourselves, raise strong children, and create resilient families, communities, and workplaces. It brings in hope, hope that not everything is lost, time changes, it heals people but we need to allow others to help us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Helping someone cope up with their sadness can bring in immense strength in you. If you have not done it yet, start doing it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">Sadness/ Tragedy / Emptiness are not permanent and we should not hold on to them.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sheryl says - “Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive, or permanent, but resilience can be. We can build it and carry it with us throughout our lives... we can all find strength within ourselves and build strength together. There is light within each of us that will not be extinguished.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The book—Option B— is about recognising that light, and to hold on to it to overcome your grief. There is always a light, light of hope and strength to overcome adversity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Accept the imminent change, change your perspective ( have a solution seeker mindset) , get to your Option B. Give yourself a chance to feel the joy of happiness in the face of adversity.</span></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-29630531587154485232020-05-16T06:36:00.000-07:002020-05-16T06:36:46.579-07:00Love , Hope & Resilience - The power to pull yourself up every-time you fall<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><u>Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up ~ Proverb</u></span></i></span></h2>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Even in the face of adversity, some of us are able to show resiliency, the ability to “bounce back,” How do we become resilient? Are we immune to emotional ups and downs? or our power to to see the brighter side stronger than lamenting over the pain?</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">When I first read about resilience, I immediately thought about optimism. Perhaps those who survive the cruelty and harshness of life were the ones who stayed positive in all the madness.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Though optimism is indeed <i>part </i>of resilience, it is not the only contributor. Rose-colored thinking and living in a far reality can be dangerous when it comes to resolving conflicts. If there’s no reality check, you’ll forever stay a dreamer and not an executor.</span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">My close friends know me as someone who keeps trying what she wants , someone who has a strong will to achieve the things that keeps her happy. Sometimes I get questions on how do I manage to think and visualize something which is not evident to others. This too is linked to my childhood.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">In one of my previous stories I mentioned that I used love building imaginary castles with my friends and spend hours fighting unknown enemies, someone who spent half of her day during the summer holidays just playing some random games. You can imagine how crazy I was just to spend time outdoors. At one of time, I could not imagine staying indoors .<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I was in my 3rd standard , when during one of my summer holidays I seriously felt sick. My family doctor diagnosed it as an affect of playing outdoors in sun . In India we call it as <b>“Loo” ( not the English one, but the Hindi one which means “Sun Struck”)</b>. I was advised to stay indoors and rest for at least 14 days. I remember mom used to keep wet cloth on my fore head to reduce my body temperature. After almost 20 days of sickness, I started feeling good. Mom started feeding me some “Khichdi” to bring back the strength . What I missed most was my playtime with my three closest friends. So as soon as I gained little strength, on the 25th day, I ventured out to play. By afternoon the temperature rose again and I collapsed. I don’t remember what happened in between but in the evening when I woke up, I found myself in the chamber of my family doctor. She reprimanded me and said I was given two injections to reduce the temperature. I didn’t quite understand what was going on at that time, but I was only worried about not being able to play with my friends.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>That summer was the worst summer, I was in and out of hospital , lost two months of school due to my sickness. I remember the period so clearly because it had set a lasting impact on me. I started to lose interest in studies, most of the days I would feel weak and spend time sleeping/resting, I would get tired if I would run. My immunity had taken a hit. </span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">For almost 3 years after this I did not participate in any outdoor sports activity. In school competitions I would mostly sit away watching other kids play and participate in games. I was never a studious student, to be very frank I was a below average student who used to get a rank of 23 or 25 in a class of 30 students. In school you would have friends only in either of the two cases- either you are good in sports or you are a class topper. I was neither of them. Most of my early school days were spent without any real friends.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Then came a change, Papa was transferred to a near by place and we moved to a new town. I got into a new school in the mid of the year. I feared going to school , however Papa promised it would be different. I was surprised to see that students were given options to select the type of extra curricular activities that they would want to participate. I took up Sketching and Knitting. Soon I made friends in my Sketching and Knitting classes. I started feeling positive, this impacted my concentration and studies. For the next 3 years that I was in this school, I never lost my first position in the class. I moved back to my old school due to my father’s transfer and surprisingly I came first even in the mid of the term. Coming first in the class became a regular thing and after that I have always remained in the Top 5 positions whether it was school, or my engineering. I have bounced back from a phase where I always felt like a loser to a phase where I know I can do it. I think it is very important to have trust in yourself first, because if you don’t trust yourself no-one else will. I would spend my time writing down difficult points 10 times in notebook till I understood them, I was never good in memorising concepts, but I was very good in finding out ways to understand the concepts. Even today I write a lot , I refer multiple sources to get better understanding. I still do not get sleep at night if I have left a work mid way or if I have an open question from someone who has asked me for help.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Resilience is not a trait that is either present or absent, but consists of behaviours, thoughts, and actions that experts agree can be learned and developed by anyone. It’s therefore not our exposure to potentially traumatic events that determines later functioning, but how we respond to them.</span><span class="s2" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.84); font-kerning: none;"> S</span><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">o just how can you strengthen your resilience muscle? Having a loving and caring support system, both in and outside the family, is one of the key components, or protective factors, in building resilience . Also maintaining a positive view of yourself and your surroundings is critical.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: purple;">If you can’t see positivity, here is my tip : <b>Say to yourself </b>, “everything happens for a reason and may be I am not able to see the reason now” . The ability to manage intense feelings and impulses, problem-solving and communication skills, and the capacity to develop realistic plans and see them through will go a long way in strengthening your will power.Maintain an internal locus of control, or believe that you, rather than your life circumstances, impact your successes.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Building resilience is not a one-size-fits-all journey, but unique to each person’s personal identity and development, and may hinge on one’s cultural practices and beliefs. Therefore, it’s important to understand that not all approaches will work for everyone. Similarly, as not all individuals respond the same way to a traumatic event, the strategies they adopt will vary depending on their given response style.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<i style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(36, 40, 46); color: #262626; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #741b47;">It is never easy to get up after falling down, but it is not Impossible to get up. Sometimes it really takes a good fall for you to realise where you really stand. You do come out stronger.</span></i></h4>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-63054872815817358102020-05-11T00:50:00.003-07:002020-05-11T07:48:04.803-07:00Just Cause and Why - Have you realised the difference..<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i><span style="color: purple;">What Is a Just Cause ..... Do you have one??</span></i></h2>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I come from a humble background, my father is a retired <b><i>South Eastern Indian Railways employee</i></b>. I still have vivid memories of my childhood.... where in the last 1 week of every month, it would really become difficult for mom to run the household. Weekly grocery amounts would decrease, vegetables would be limited to only Potatoes, Onion and Tomatoes. Today when i think of those days, it seems so difficult but ironically during those days, the last week seemed same as the other weeks. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Papa did get many offers to join better opportunities in private organisations but he would avoid them every-time. I used to wonder why would he do that considering our financial situations would have improve greatly. Papa would say - "In my role, I sign off critical consignments and a single mistake would mean humungous loss for the regional railways".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">He was so protective about the work and the damage it would cause if minute details were ignored....I hardly remember him taking leaves from work except for the times when he would be really sick. It seemed really strange to me seeing him go to work with the same </span>enthusiasm years after years. I am sure many of us would have the same story to share. Over the years, he has made strong relationships which have gone beyond his working years. He has made friends for lifetime. In fact yesterday while I was talking to him, I was worried how he was managing with his daily groceries. Smilingly he mentioned Mr. X ( keeping the name private) has already made all arrangements so that he gets all his medicines and daily groceries on-time. It has been 2 years that I have seen him and mom, but he assured me his friends are taking good care of him. Strangely he asked if I have a Mr/Ms X here on whom I can rely in case of needs. It made me think do I have one? The answer was relieving .. Yes , I do have my safety circle who would extend immediate help if I ask them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Catching back on my previous article-- on Infinite Vs Finite mindset...<a href="https://leadershipstoriesbygargi.blogspot.com/2020/05/infinite-vs-finite-mindsetdo-you-define.html">Infinite Vs Finite</a> let us see what does a 'Just Cause' means and how everyone of us should have one. Do we already have one but dont realise. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just Cause is visionary and aspirational. A Just Cause is a reason for you, the team, or the business to exist.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are five criteria to have a Just Cause. It must be 1) for something, 2) inclusive, 3) service oriented, 4) resilient, and 5) idealistic. ( <i>Courtesy : Simon Sinek <a href="https://simonsinek.com/discover/great-leaders-organizations-advance-a-just-cause/">Just Cause</a> </i>)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For Papa , his <b><i><span style="color: purple;">Just Cause</span></i></b> was , how he would provide the best service to clients of South Eastern Railways within his maximum capability. Optimistic that he was doing his bit in strengthening the economic situation of the country... <i><span style="color: purple;">(might seem unrealistic to us but he was pretty sure that he was making his contribution)</span></i> . He made this his “true north” on the compass. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I believe this is in my genes, there are multiple things that I do in both professional and personal life that do-not necessarily have a tangible outcome or bring ins monetary or time savings . I do them because I believe I am bringing in a change in someone else's life or may be contributing to the society. Most of the times I think How does my action bring in positivity in future , what is my vision of future , what kind of relationships I would want to foster. <span style="color: purple; font-style: italic;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-style: italic;"><b>"Our Lives are finite, but life is infinite" </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would want my relationship with my colleagues to go beyond my professional relationship. For me being a mentor, friend is much more important than being a manager and thats what drives my actions . Does this mean practicing this will always be a win on professional growth?? Not necessarily... but I have made a conscious decision of what I want to choose. Not a very easy decision to make but worth it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>How is it different from "Why"</b> - "Why" mostly deals with your experience in the past. Why definitely will frame out your "Just Cause" . Our <b><span style="color: purple;">Just Cause</span></b> is our <b><span style="color: purple;">WHY</span></b> projected into the future. It describes a future state in which our WHY has been realised. It is a forward looking statement that is so inspiring and compelling that people are willing to sacrifice to see that vision advanced. ( <i>Courtesy : Simon Sinek <a href="https://simonsinek.com/discover/great-leaders-organizations-advance-a-just-cause/">Just Cause</a> </i>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Think about your Just Cause. Spend sometime thinking how would want the world to remember you? Do you want to be just a name or more than that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">More Next week... Stay Tuned....</span><br />
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-28813053361476631382020-05-10T00:06:00.005-07:002020-05-10T00:35:00.850-07:00Leadership Signs which Kids teach us --- Food for thought<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial";"><i>This week’s post on what we can learn from kids in our lives. </i></span></h2>
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As we grow up, we tend to forget what we loved when we were
kids. For example, when I was a kid, I loved spending hours and hours in
creating imaginative castles, threat situations with my friends and strategies
how to come out successfully of those imaginative situations. Even when I
created those threat situations, I would not know what comes next, after 3 hours
of playtime, we used to come out successfully of the imaginative threats. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Last week on my Birthday, my 3 year old niece called me up
for singing a birthday song on #FaceTime. As I was speaking with her, she kept
showcasing numerous tricks, jumping on the sofa, taking a leap, trying
cartwheel …, not all her tricks were successful. However what amazed me, was
her attitude of just moving on. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If you’ve ever watched children play, then you would see
that some just seem to be natural born leaders and it comes to them with little
to no effort. They take charge without even really trying to make it happen. With
the rigid mindset of adulthood, we often abandon creative pursuit – especially
as professional leaders or organizations as a whole –<b><i><span style="color: #5b9bd5; mso-themecolor: accent5;">either for lack of time or due to
the realization that your masterpiece looks nothing like that bowl of fruit.</span></i></b><i><span style="color: #5b9bd5; mso-themecolor: accent5;"> </span></i>Try ignoring what
you can’t control, do what you can control....<o:p></o:p></div>
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Children, however, see what their mind’s eye wants them to
see, so they lose themselves in dancing, jumping, singing random songs to
express their feelings, coloring, finger paint, clay or sand castles, creating
priceless works of art that absolutely must receive prime refrigerator real
estate. This is how they continue to learn, grow and invent. <b><i><span style="color: #5b9bd5; mso-themecolor: accent5;">Effective leadership requires you
to pull yourself back to that time and lose yourself in something you love</span></i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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In a child’s mind, everyone they get to play with instantly
becomes a new friend. They act like this person is their best friend and will
be for all of the time within minutes of meeting each other. They savor the
moments they have with each other to the fullest. They aren’t afraid to ask
personal questions and get to know each other. They make instant plans to spend
more time together if their parents allow it. Every time I talk to both of my
niece, what amazes me, that they make realize about every minute details
throughout that week - what did I cook, do I have chocolates, do I
have groceries, did I do something interesting, am I having my
food on time? It is surprising that I should be doing it myself as a part of
daily self-awareness exercise however I rarely do it these days. Very important
to start it up again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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With all the joy children find, it’s no wonder that they see
the silly and humorous in what would be considered uninteresting or mundane
from our vantage point<b><i><span style="color: #5b9bd5; mso-themecolor: accent5;">.
Studies have found that the average child laughs roughly 200 times a day while
the average adult laughs 14-17 times a day</span></i></b>. These statistics
alone are enough to make you cry. My 3-year-old sweet heart had hurt her knee
but in spite of that she was smilingly trying out new tricks. Even in the
bad times, effective leadership requires that you find a reason to laugh. It
might be a lot of work at the time. It is worth it. Find out a reason to smile….
I am sure you will have one everyday.<o:p></o:p></div>
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— More next week…. Stay Tuned….<o:p></o:p></div>
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3460296266398958126.post-90793253363919596452020-05-03T03:15:00.000-07:002020-05-03T03:15:20.478-07:00Infinite vs Finite mindset.....do you define success based on the achievment of arbitary metrices <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
While I was strolling through Chicago airport last year in October, I bought a book from my favourite author @Simon Sinek - #The Infinite Game. I paid 28$ to get a copy of the book . I finished reading half of the book during my flight journeys between Nashville, Chicago, Minneapolis, Newark , Munich. But after I reached back India , I got so engrossed in my day to day chores and placed the book unattended on my corner table. Few days back, my husband ( who doesn't like reading books, but loves hearing stories), enquired- " You did not summarize the story of The Infinite Games" .<br />
It suddenly reminded me that I needed to finish the book, but when I opened the book, I had actually forgotten what I had read previously. So I started reading the book from beginning. This time I thought I should pen down my learning from the book every time I finish a critical part of the book.<br />
So here is my take on the first most important part of The Infinite Games<br />
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<b><i>Finite Games Vs Infinite Games</i></b> : Finite games are played by known players with finite mindset where there are fixed rules, agreed upon objective and has a finite result- Win or Loss. Infinite games are played between known or unknown players, the rules can change and the objective is not to win or defeat the other person/team, it is to keep playing.<br />
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When you place a finite player against a finite player, the system is stable. When you place an infinite player versus an infinite player, the system is also stable. Problems arises when you pit a finite player against an infinite player. The finite player will be focused on playing to win, and an infinite player will be focused on just playing without an aspiration to win. As a result, both the players will make very different strategic choices.<br />
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In businesses when we try to become an winning business, we have lost the game. The book clearly indicates that there is nothing called -"<i>Winning Business</i>". No one can confidently declare that they are number one in their business, they might be favorites of their customer base, but simply claiming to be number 1 for everyone doesn't make sense. When we play an infinite game in business with finite players, we simply create a very toxic culture of mistrust where cooperation and innovation sees a decline over time.<br />
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There are multiple factors that shape an infinite mindset, the first and foremost is a <b><i>"Just Cause"</i></b>- What is your Just Cause, a cause where you would sacrifice your individual interest in order to advance the cause? Do you have one? What is a Just Cause --- The book describes a Just cause as a specific vision of a future state that doesn't yet exist ; a future state so appealing that people are willing to make sacrifices in order to help advance towards that vision.<br />
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Winning provides a temporary chill, a temporary kick/thrill of a victory, can you hold the feeling of the last award that you won? or the last promotion you got? these feelings do pass away with time. In order to experience that feeling, you will have to win an award again or get another promotion.<br />
However, when you have a "Just Cause" , the reason to come to office / work is bigger than any particular win. Our days take on more meaning and feel more fulfilling.<br />
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Organisations which are only driven by the Finites - we may <i>like</i> our jobs on some days, but<span style="color: #a64d79;"> we may not <i>love</i> our jobs</span>. If we work for an organization driven by the Infinites , we may like our jobs on some days but <span style="color: #674ea7;">we will always<i> love</i> our jobs</span>.<br />
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Stay Tuned for more... in my next article I will summarize the difference between a "Just Cause" and "Why" and share some interesting stories from my personal experience.<br />
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Gargihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10636935022917956151noreply@blogger.com0