Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up ~ Proverb
Even in the face of adversity, some of us are able to show resiliency, the ability to “bounce back,” How do we become resilient? Are we immune to emotional ups and downs? or our power to to see the brighter side stronger than lamenting over the pain?
When I first read about resilience, I immediately thought about optimism. Perhaps those who survive the cruelty and harshness of life were the ones who stayed positive in all the madness.
Though optimism is indeed part of resilience, it is not the only contributor. Rose-colored thinking and living in a far reality can be dangerous when it comes to resolving conflicts. If there’s no reality check, you’ll forever stay a dreamer and not an executor.
My close friends know me as someone who keeps trying what she wants , someone who has a strong will to achieve the things that keeps her happy. Sometimes I get questions on how do I manage to think and visualize something which is not evident to others. This too is linked to my childhood.
In one of my previous stories I mentioned that I used love building imaginary castles with my friends and spend hours fighting unknown enemies, someone who spent half of her day during the summer holidays just playing some random games. You can imagine how crazy I was just to spend time outdoors. At one of time, I could not imagine staying indoors . I was in my 3rd standard , when during one of my summer holidays I seriously felt sick. My family doctor diagnosed it as an affect of playing outdoors in sun . In India we call it as “Loo” ( not the English one, but the Hindi one which means “Sun Struck”). I was advised to stay indoors and rest for at least 14 days. I remember mom used to keep wet cloth on my fore head to reduce my body temperature. After almost 20 days of sickness, I started feeling good. Mom started feeding me some “Khichdi” to bring back the strength . What I missed most was my playtime with my three closest friends. So as soon as I gained little strength, on the 25th day, I ventured out to play. By afternoon the temperature rose again and I collapsed. I don’t remember what happened in between but in the evening when I woke up, I found myself in the chamber of my family doctor. She reprimanded me and said I was given two injections to reduce the temperature. I didn’t quite understand what was going on at that time, but I was only worried about not being able to play with my friends. That summer was the worst summer, I was in and out of hospital , lost two months of school due to my sickness. I remember the period so clearly because it had set a lasting impact on me. I started to lose interest in studies, most of the days I would feel weak and spend time sleeping/resting, I would get tired if I would run. My immunity had taken a hit.
For almost 3 years after this I did not participate in any outdoor sports activity. In school competitions I would mostly sit away watching other kids play and participate in games. I was never a studious student, to be very frank I was a below average student who used to get a rank of 23 or 25 in a class of 30 students. In school you would have friends only in either of the two cases- either you are good in sports or you are a class topper. I was neither of them. Most of my early school days were spent without any real friends.
Then came a change, Papa was transferred to a near by place and we moved to a new town. I got into a new school in the mid of the year. I feared going to school , however Papa promised it would be different. I was surprised to see that students were given options to select the type of extra curricular activities that they would want to participate. I took up Sketching and Knitting. Soon I made friends in my Sketching and Knitting classes. I started feeling positive, this impacted my concentration and studies. For the next 3 years that I was in this school, I never lost my first position in the class. I moved back to my old school due to my father’s transfer and surprisingly I came first even in the mid of the term. Coming first in the class became a regular thing and after that I have always remained in the Top 5 positions whether it was school, or my engineering. I have bounced back from a phase where I always felt like a loser to a phase where I know I can do it. I think it is very important to have trust in yourself first, because if you don’t trust yourself no-one else will. I would spend my time writing down difficult points 10 times in notebook till I understood them, I was never good in memorising concepts, but I was very good in finding out ways to understand the concepts. Even today I write a lot , I refer multiple sources to get better understanding. I still do not get sleep at night if I have left a work mid way or if I have an open question from someone who has asked me for help.
Resilience is not a trait that is either present or absent, but consists of behaviours, thoughts, and actions that experts agree can be learned and developed by anyone. It’s therefore not our exposure to potentially traumatic events that determines later functioning, but how we respond to them. So just how can you strengthen your resilience muscle? Having a loving and caring support system, both in and outside the family, is one of the key components, or protective factors, in building resilience . Also maintaining a positive view of yourself and your surroundings is critical.
If you can’t see positivity, here is my tip : Say to yourself , “everything happens for a reason and may be I am not able to see the reason now” . The ability to manage intense feelings and impulses, problem-solving and communication skills, and the capacity to develop realistic plans and see them through will go a long way in strengthening your will power.Maintain an internal locus of control, or believe that you, rather than your life circumstances, impact your successes.
Building resilience is not a one-size-fits-all journey, but unique to each person’s personal identity and development, and may hinge on one’s cultural practices and beliefs. Therefore, it’s important to understand that not all approaches will work for everyone. Similarly, as not all individuals respond the same way to a traumatic event, the strategies they adopt will vary depending on their given response style.
It is never easy to get up after falling down, but it is not Impossible to get up. Sometimes it really takes a good fall for you to realise where you really stand. You do come out stronger.
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